Parents - Freedom vs. Care, and So Much More!

Many young couples ask themselves whether they can live up to the responsibility of being parents, and whether, given the state of our environment or of society, it would even be fair to a young citizen of the earth to begin a life right now.

Questions that previous generations also asked themselves, and ones that certainly aren't easy to answer. Accompanying a young life on its journey should, in my view, be approached not with worry but with trust and confidence, full of curiosity and joy. Of course, that's not always possible, and there will also be more difficult subjects, but the positive sides should clearly outweigh them.

What does that have to do with talent development?

As I've already mentioned in previous posts, a healthy error culture is the key to handling many situations. In our role as parents too, we will make mistakes, and that's totally okay. It would be far worse if, under the pressure of wanting to do everything right and perfectly, we came to experience our everyday lives as a burden.

A mentor who shaped me during one phase of my life used to say: "If it's going to be crap, then crap with gusto!" — Excuse the language, but it nails it.

That pretty much describes the framework within which we operate as parents in general, but also as parents of a football talent.

When we talk about "freedom vs. care," it also quickly becomes clear where our personal limits as guardians lie. Allowing freedom requires courage and trust, and that in turn has a lot to do with our own experiences. The freedom for kids to shape their own path — which I like to proclaim so often, so they can develop a sense of responsibility — naturally has its limits too, at the latest when our children's health is at risk. But sometimes closer guidance and support are also needed, certainly depending on age and stage of development, in order to properly assess certain matters.

That includes, for example, the choice of secondary school. Certainly, the course for so many things in our lives is set at a young age, and sometimes the impression arises that decisions made early on can no longer be corrected. I'd like to passionately object to that here. A straight path through the stages of formal education may seem like the simplest option to us from a parental perspective, but is it also the simplest for the student? Sometimes the second-chance education route is the better decision. Incidentally, there are said to have been successful careers built by people without a higher school-leaving qualification, too.

A decision about which secondary school to attend is also a decision for more or less free time, more or less time together with friends, more or less time for the young person's personal development. And a child can't make that decision alone. A healthy dialogue and the parents' help are necessary here. I don't want to give the impression that there's only one right path! No, it's a very individual matter! An important step in life that deserves careful consideration.

Another situation in which support is absolutely called for arises when a club with a performance center wants to sign the boy for its teams. The circumstances — how old the child is, how far the distance to the club with the performance center is, which coach and which training conditions the boy would encounter, how deeply rooted the young player is at his home club, and who trains him there and how — are all factors that need to be considered in such a decision. Of course, these criteria aren't exhaustive. What consequences would arise, for example, for the child's everyday life? What would that mean for the family's everyday life? And many further points, in weighing which our young player needs the help of his parents, and possibly of a third party.

You should bring in a third party or expert whenever you can't sufficiently judge certain matters yourself — for instance, how should a coach's performance be assessed? How does he convey technical and tactical training content? What should the surrounding environment look like for the young talent to develop well? Does the academy cooperate with an elite football school? And so on, and so on…

Apparent setbacks or defeats represent another important situation — if not the most important one — in which support from the parents is absolutely essential! By that, I don't necessarily mean the 1:2 loss from the weekend. Support in dealing with a negative match result can certainly be appropriate at a very young age too, and I speak here from my own experience, but by "defeats" I mean far-reaching decisions, such as being cut from a regional base or from an academy team.

One piece of advice from me:

Deal with possible scenarios early on — already at the point of joining an academy, or being invited to a regional base!

What happens if you're let go from the development program? What does that mean? Are there explanations? What consequences would that have for a career as a footballer? What consequences follow from that for the young person's personal development? How should you deal with reactions from those around you?...

If you've already grappled with these topics beforehand, then, should it come to that, the arguments won't sound like excuses but like a sober assessment of the situation.

For many young players, a "defeat" like this (which, in my view, it isn't!) marks the end of their athletic engagement and, at the same time, a setback in their personal development! The risk of "falling into a hole" is disproportionately greater than for peers who aren't involved in "competitive sports"!

That's exactly why forward-looking, unobtrusive guidance for young talents is so important!

I look forward to addressing another topic in talent development with you next week under my column "So schaut's aus." Until then! Stay healthy, and always a good ball!