Parents - EMBARRASSING or a Factor in Development?

What you get to witness on football pitches is downright borderline on some days, and even though it would be overstepping a boundary, you want to make parents aware of what they're doing to their kids in that moment.

Some football-expert parents coach their children from the sidelines, making it very clear how ambitious they are and what they think of the referee's decisions or the opponent's actions.

An EMBARRASSMENT for the children, for their team, and ultimately exhausting and counterproductive for everyone involved.

In one of my previous posts, "Neues Konzept zur DFB-Nachwuchsförderung," I already touched on, in a subordinate clause, the fact that adults — and I don't just mean the parents — play a decisive role in the development of young players.

Let's take a quick look at a scientific paper by Reeves in Soccer & Society from 2018, in which he lists the factors (which, in scientifically correct terms, he calls predictors) of talent development in youth football:

This overview is interesting for many reasons and can be a good aid on various occasions for keeping an overview. I'll draw on it again from time to time.

Today we'll turn to the sociological "predictors," which, in everyday language, we can also call "factors" or "characteristics." Listed first here is the point "support from parents."

In my view, "support from parents" is a misleading expression. Even though it certainly doesn't mean the extra coaching described above, the words suggest an exclusively active kind of support in the form of, say, drives to training, encouraging words, preparing meals, and the like.

PARENTS, however, exert a considerable influence on the attitude and personality development of the young person simply through their character and the family environment they shape. In every everyday situation, they act as role models for their children, who have practically seismographic antennae for each situation and learn by example. Parents hold that role-model function permanently, and they cannot shed it — but of course, parents also shape their children through conversations, assessments, recommendations for action, and physical affection.

I'm reluctant to use the term resilience, because it's overused in many places these days, but in connection with the development of a football talent, resilience is exactly the term for a trait that is, for the most part, not genetically predisposed but is decisively shaped by the close social environment.

A young person who is accompanied by his or her parents in a "healthy" way has good self-esteem and can therefore cope better with performance pressure, criticism, and setbacks — even seeing them, potentially, as a challenge — whereas other young people, under the same influences, suffer a drop in performance or even give up altogether.

A stable family environment, in which young people are taught to take on responsibility, to be part of a team, and to give and take, forms a solid foundation.

A note to single parents and separated couples is called for here: you too can create a stable family environment, even though our society/culture may initially signal otherwise, and even though it's often disproportionately harder for you.

So if guardians, while preserving the family's balance (giving due weight to the interests of other family members), actively engage with a football talent's path, know how to properly assess different developments, and communicate appropriately with their children about this, then parents provide a foundation on which children in general — and football talents in particular — can build well.

Since parents are the experts when it comes to their children, they should pay very close attention not to overburden their kids. It doesn't matter whether a five- or seven-year-old is already lacing up boots for a Bundesliga club. Nor is it about the parents' dreams, which the boy is now supposed to fulfill, or about the parents' ambition to highlight what's special about their children.

NO, the art lies in watching closely, creating room for development, handing over responsibility, tolerating mistakes, building self-confidence and self-esteem, and providing appropriate encouragement when it's needed!

My meta-values, or call them guidelines, for us as guardians:

(1) Always be honest and authentic!

It doesn't help anyone if you deceive yourselves or your kids.

(2) Give children maximum freedom to discover themselves!

Young people have a right to find and follow their own path.

Don't wrap your children in cotton wool — they understand and sense much more than we often give them credit for, or want to expect of them.

(3) Tolerate mistakes, and make sure your children understand them as an opportunity!

You prepare the soil! The plant gets to grow on its own!

I look forward to addressing another topic in talent development with you next week under my column "So schaut's aus." Until then! Stay healthy, and always a good ball.